#2263
<In the caverns...
Date: 06/22/2002
From: Carmelita9000
...........................................................
...in the back of Diabolik's Lair Carmelita42 is wandering around.>
42: Dangit! Why do I have to do everything? Lita sends me back here to get more Old Kentucky Shark... I bet she's just going to give it to Tork! That jerk, I was so nice to him and he just--
<Suddenly, Lita42 hears somebody lurking around in the shadows>
42: Who's there?
*silence*
42: Come out! I know somebody's there!
<A shadowy figure emerges. 42's eyes widen.>
42: No! Not... You!!!
<She doesn't say anything else, because she's too busy having an expensive vase broken over her head. She falls to the floor, unconscious.>
***
<Some time later, Tork is wandering around the same general area.>
Tork: Old Kentucky Shark? Why do *I* have to come back here for that? Seems like Evil Mike work to me. Or something for a clone to do. But I'm Tork! I *invented* the art of poining! I shouldn't have to do this grunt work just because Lita42 fell down on the job-- Yikes! Lita42! Are you ok??
<Tork has just stumbled across Carmelita42, who is lying on the floor and not moving much. He looks up and sees somebody standing nearby.>
Tork: Lita! The hell? Wait... Is that you? Or are you a clo--
Lita: Of course it's me!
Tork: What did you do to Lita42?
Lita: Oh, her? She deserved it. She was mouthing off. Gotta keep my clones in line, you know.
Tork: Oh. I see. I guess I understand that. Saaayyy...
Lita: What?
Tork: What's that thing around your head? I mean... Why are you wearing a sweatband?
Lita: <raising her hand to touch the strip of terry-cloth that she's wearing on her head, covering her forehead.> It's not a *sweat*band! It's a headband, and it's very stylish!!
Tork: Yeah, if you live in the 80's! You look like Olivia Newton John!
Lita: Shut up!
Tork: Hey, Lita! o/` Let's get physica--
<Lita smashes a chair over Tork's head>
Tork: ...I deserved that... <He passes out>
***
<Even *more* later, Mickey is wandering down the *very* *same* set of corridors in the caverns. What a surprise, he's looking for more Old Kentucky Shark, since Carmelita42 and Tork have apparently failed in their missions. And wouldn't you know, he stumbles upon the both of them. Lita stands near by.>
Mickey: Lita? The hell?
Lita: What?
<Mickey poins at Tork and Lita42, who are by now tied to a convenient stone pillar.>
Mickey: What is up with that?
Lita: Well, I'm Queen Bitch, you know. Gotta keep up with the title.
<Carmelita42 comes to>
42: Mickey! Watch out! It's not Lita! It's actually-- Mmph!!
<That was the sound of Lita(?) putting tape over 42's mouth.>
Lita(?): She's lying, of course.
Mickey: Oh. You're gonna hurt me too, aren't you?
Lita(?): Afraid so.
Mickey: Even if I refrain from making comments about that ugly sweatband you're wearing?
<Lita(?) hits Mickey over the head with a lamp.>
Mickey: Crud. <He sinks down>
***
<You kind of get the idea, don't you? Before too long every member of GROPE who is not Lita is tied to that pillar. Hey, wait... Evil Mike isn't tied up either! He's standing one one side of the room snickering. Lita(?) is looking very proud of herself when suddenly, in walks... Lita?!!??>
Lita(?): Oh, crap! Not you!
Lita?!!??: Carmelita3000??!! What the hell are you doing here???
Lita(?): *I'm* not 3000! *You're* 3000!!
Lita?!!??: *gasp* You're trying to steal my identity! AGAIN!! You bitch!!
Lita(?): That's QUEEN Bitch to you!
<The two Litas glare at each other angrily>
Tork: Oh, wow! There's absolutely no way to tell them apart!
Mickey: None whatsoever!
Rimmi: What'll we do???
Lita?!!??: Oh, come on! You can tell us apart because she's wearing that dorky--
<Lita(?) punches Lita?!!?? in the face. In no time at all, the two Litas are rolling around on the floor fighting.>
EM: I love chick fights...
Rimmi: Evil Mike, why aren't you tied up?
EM: Because I'm so cool.
<The fight ends. Lita(?) stands up. Lita?!!?? lies on the floor, dazed.>
Lita(?): There! That settles it!
Tork: But which Lita is the real Lita??
Both Litas: I am!!
Lita?!!??: Ask 42! All Litas can tell all other Litas apart!
Lita(?): No way! She's been rebellious lately! She'll lie!!
Tork: That sounds like her...
42: MMph!!
Lita(?): You can tell that *I'm* the real Lita, because I have the Bitch Crown!
<Lita(?) pulls out the Bitch Crown and puts it on.>
Lita?!!??: Hey!! You stole that from me while we were fighting!! Evil Mike, you can tell the difference between us! I know you can!! Tell them that I'm the real Lita! She's just Carmelita3000!!
EM: I can't do that, because it would be a lie.
Lita?!!??: HEY!!!
Rimmi: There's only one thing we can do about this...
***
<Outside Grope Headquarters. The entrance rises up, making the ground look like a giant clam. There is the sound of a scuffle as two Litas are shoved out of the entrance.>
GROPE: AND STAY OUT!!!
<The entrance slams shut, and the two are left alone.>
42: I can't believe they did that.
Lita: ...but... I really *am* Carmelita9000...
42: Those stupid idiots...
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Dammit! They banished the wrong Lita!!
#2264
Meanwhile at the entrance of GROPE HQ...
Date: 06/22/2002
From: ServoTheGreat
The Litas are standing there when they see STG, AFLAC, and Squecky trying to pry the door open.
Lita: The hell?
42: Hey, they're trying to break in!
Lita: Whoever you people are, STOP RIGHT NOW!
STG: (Stops trying to pry the door open with a 2X4) Grrrrr... You know who I am! I'm Servo The Great! You people where gonna let me join GROPE, but you locked me out. I was just gonna get the paper, and the door slammed shut.
Lita: Hmmm... That's a noodle scratcher... I have to talk to 42, excuse us.
(The two walk a distance away)
42: Jeez, is this guy still here?
Lita: I though if we locked him out, he'd go away.
42: He didn't think we'd really let him in, did he?
Lita: I wasn't gonna let him in. He's application was shredded and turned into a roll of toilet paper.
42: How about we just kill him?
Lita; No, that's kinda illeagal.
42: I gotta an idea. Let me handle it.
(walk back to STG)
42: Servo The Grater, we don't like you... at all. Nor do we like your irritating animals. I am now staring the Go The Hell Away Servo The Great club(GTHASTG). Get bent.
STG: Ouch, my ego. (STG faints from the shock)
Lita: Well, it wasn't very nice, but it got the point across. Now let's try and find a way back in, and foil 3000's plans!
(The two Litas walk off)
AFLAC: I don't like you either, Servo.
(I think my character should always be trying to join GROPE, but always get shot down, cause GROPE really doens't... um... like him.)
ServoTheGreat
SHAZAM!
#2265
Sure thing STG.
Date: 06/22/2002
From: Carmelita9000
..........................................................
That sounds good. If it's cool with you, it's cool with me. In fact, I think it could be pretty funny watching you try to be allowed in without having any chance. Way to go! I like it! :o)
One more thing STG. You don't have to worry so much about taking up too many replies. I do it constantly. Really, the whole poin of this post is to get lots of replies without spamming, so it's ok. :o)
Oh. Yeah. I really am planning to post another rp reply.... uh... pretty quick. Just gotta write it and stuff. Um... In the meantime...
<Lita sends some of those "Fly Monkeys Fly" Monkeys to pry apart Tork's robot costume and generally cause him trouble.>
Yeah. That happens outside rp continuity. So it's not like I sent them into GROPE HQ or anything. I felt it had to be done though. Does Tork have any idea how *cold* Gatoraide is???
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
#2266
<The Litas are standing around>
Date: 06/22/2002
From: Carmelita42
............................................................
<Lita42 looks at STG who is lying next to the GROPE entrance. She picks up a stick and shoos his annoying animals away. She walks back to Lita9000, who is staring off into space.>
42: So now what?
Lita: I don't know. I'm so depressed...
42: Do you hear that crying?
Lita: Yeah... *sniff* That's me.
42: No...
<Carmelita42 and Lita9000 follow the sound and comes across Carmelita2780, who is sitting at the base of a tree crying.>
42: 2780! What's wrong?
Lita: Where's Kitty?
42: Oh dear...
2780: *sob* Kitty's in the tree! That one mean one of you came here and chased her up there!
42: <quietly to Lita> Sounds like 3000. But how could she chase Kitty up there? Kitty's just a Beanie Baby--
Lita: Shhh! 2780 doesn't know that! <whispering> 3000 must have thrown Kitty up there. Help get Kitty down, will you?
42: Me? But... It's up in that tree... And I'm kind of afraid of heights...
Lita: I just suffered a severe emotional trauma!
<Grumbling, 42 climbs up the tree. Lita sits with 2780. A little time passes.>
Lita: How's it coming, 42?
2780: *poin* Hey! Look! Here comes your big doggy!
Lita: My big doggy? Hey! It's Spidey!!
<Spidey runs up to Lita and she hugs him>
Lita: Awww, Spidey! You still know who I am!
42: AIEE!!! <She falls out of the tree with a thud, but she's holding Kitty.>
2780: Kitty!!! I missed you so much!!11!!
<2780 grabs the stuffed cat and hugs it with all her might. Then she opens one of Spidey's doors and climbs in.>
42: Where does she think we're going. It's not like we can go home--
Lita: Home? <Her eyes get teary once more. She looks at the ground, as if in great pain. When she looks up again, it is with a look of grim determination.> I have no home... Hunted... Despised... Living like an animal... The *Jungle* is my home! And I will show the world that I can be it's Master!! I will perfect my own race of people! A race of Atomic Supermen which will conquer the *World*!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha....
42: <She stares blankly at Lita for a moment.> Yeaaaaahhh.... <To Spidey> She's a little off... you know... since that whole thing with 3000.
<Spidey nods>
42: I know what you need, Lita. You need a drink.
<Carmelita42 herds Lita, who is staring into nowhere and giggling a little to herself, into Spidey's passenger seat. She climbs into the driver's seat. Apparently Spidey realizes that this is a special emergency situation, and lets 42 drive. 2780 sits in the back seat and plays happily with Kitty. Using the uncanny ability that every Lita has to find a bar, it takes almost no time for 42 to find MSTBlanca. Unfortunately, it's waaaaaaaay up in the sky, being carried by PM's Helicarrier. I hesitate to call the helicarrier a helicopter. Last time I accused one of PM's vehicles of being a helicopter, he turned around and told me it was, in fact, a hover craft, so there, pleh and all that jazz. Probably if I tried to say that this helicarrier dealie was a helicopter, I'd find out that it's actually a magical flying tugboat, or some damn thing. It doesn't really matter. 42 looks up at the flying Bar>
42: Dammit!!
2780: I'm gonna tell Lita you cussed in front of Kitty!
42: <Ignoring her> If they think a little thing like floating MSTBlanca way up high in the sky is gonna keep me out when I want a drink, they are soooo wrong. Spidey, do your thing.
<Spidey does his thing, which just happens to be this: He shoots a line of Spidey Silk up to the Helicarrier. It latches on to a conveniently jutting out Helicarrier part (Hey, I'm not technical, ok?) and Spidey climbs up the line. in no time, he's crouching on the side of the Helicarrier, very near one of the doors. 42 leans out the side of Spidey and opens the door to the Helicarrier. MSTBlanca is in there, and so is Nabut. He rushes to the door as Carmelita42 is climbing inside.>
Nabut: Er... We're closed!
42: Don't be a jerk.
<42 kicks Nabut in the groin, and he narrowly avoids falling out of the Helicarrier to his death by grabbing the doorframe just in time. 42 helps the other two Litas in and they head over to MSTBlanca.>
Nabut: But... But... My pleige will be pissed!
42: Can it, Baldy. We're not in the mood. We're having a bad day.
<She opens the door to MSTBlanca and goes in. Lita9000 follows.>
2780: <waving and smiling> Bye-bye, Mr. Not Very Nice Angry Guy!
<42 comes back out of MSTBlanca, and pulls 2780 in.>
42: Come on!
Carmelita42
President of the GTHASTG Club
All this just for some Old Kentucky Shark!
#2267
Mickey: Yew stoopith bith!!!!!!!
Date: 06/22/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
Tork: OK, the hell....?
Mickey: Lifa knoffed oot mie toof!!!!
(Tork looks at Mickey to see a large gaping hole in Mickey's mouth with lots of bloo-----Lita (Ooc) ICK! Stop being graphic! Mickey (ooc): OK. A big hole in Mickey's mouth where a tooth is supposed to be.)
Rimmi: At least it's not the real Lita. Maybe.
Tork: Maybe not. Remember the time that pig demon came and possessed Lita and she was really mean to Mickey?
Evil Mike: Man, that was sweet!
Rimmi: And he's back to finish the job. Poor Mickey!
Mickey: Thethell?????????? YIKESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(runs to his room and nails boards to the door and barricades it with all kinds of furniture)
Rimmi: Some friend he is.
The Bespectacled Toothless Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
President of the I hate Dawn Club
Post Narc x3
Some friend.
#2268
/a rides through the post
Date: 06/23/2002
From: Abe_on_a_Big_Wheel
Don't mind me, continue with whatever it is you're doing!!!
/a rides off into the sunset
=[:)>
#2269
Let's poke Abe with a stick!
Date: 06/23/2002
From: ServoTheGreat
Outside the rp, of course.
Take this Abe!
*poke*
*poke*
*poke*
And I smack your silly hat off, ha ha!
Let's all poke Abe!
#2270
Hey! Stop that!
Date: 06/23/2002
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
You can't poke Abe with a stick! He was the 16th President of the United States! He lived in a log cabin! He wrote on a shovel! He *freed the slaves*!!11! I will personally kick your ass if you poke him anymore! (Outside of rp continuity, of course... and maybe a little bit inside rp continuity too, if I get a chance.)
<Lita whispers to Abe> Get on your Big Wheel and ride, Mr. President! Ride like the wind! Ride away from this place!!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Patriot
#2271
Fine. Looks like I'll have to cancel...
Date: 06/23/2002
From: ServoTheGreat
POKEABE-APALOOZA 2002. What the? Oh crap, it's Abe, and he's brought the whole Republican party with him!
Abe: There he is! Kill him!
Regan: DIE!
Bush: (swinging a chain) I call beating rights for the head!
STG: Uh oh, gotta go...
(STG is chased off into the distance by the angry republicans... outside the rp, of course)
#2272
Knockin' at GROPE's door...
Date: 06/24/2002
From: ServoTheGreat
STG: Hello? Are you people home?
(Meanwhile inside...)
EM: Crap, it's him again.
Rimmi: Turn off all the lights!
gramps: Eh, but we don't have windows for him to look through.
Tork: Yeah, we're underground.
Rimmi: Wait a minute... Where's Mickey?
Tork: He's hiding, remember?
Rimmi: I got an idea...
(back outside)
STG: I got tickets to see the Great Vorelli! His cruelty is hilarious.
(back inside)
Tork: Yup, Mickey, it's all out there.
MTG: Really?
EM: Yeah, all the cake in the world!
MTG: What flavor?
Rimmi: Uh, it's... good flavor.
MTG: Hmmm... that sounds good.
Gramps: Well, run out there and get it! HURRY!
Rimmi: Yeah, or the monkey will eat it!
MTG: Oh no, I'm goin'!
(mickey leaves)
Tork: (looks at Rimmi) The monkey will eat it?
Rimmi: What?
(back outside)
MTG: Where's the cake?
STG: No cake, my friend. Now let's see Vorelli! Then you'll like me, and let me join GROPE!
MTG: Aaaah, it's you!
STG: (grabs Mickey's arm) Now come on, we're gonna see Vorelli! I got AFLAC and Squecky to go to. They're tied up and waiting in the car.
MTG: NOOOOOO!!!
(Back inside)
gramps: I feel kinda sorry for dat whippersnapper...
EM: Oh well, at least it's not us.
gramps: Agreed.
Tork: Yeah... Let's go eat food.
(later at the theatre)
(on stage)
Vorelli: Oh, and for those that are confused I'm Vorelli again. Hugo and I switched bodies once more. We must've done that dozens of times over the years, eh Hugo?
Hugo: I want ham.
(in the crowd)
STG: When's he gonna start torturing the puppet?
MTG: I want my cake.
AFLAC: (talking to person in the next seat) *whispering* Call the police.
(Back on stage)
Vorelli: A dummy eating ham!? NEVER! Especially if he doesn't get it himself!
Hugo: That's it! I'm done with gettin' the ham myself! (pulls a gun out of his coat) Now give me the damn ham!
Vorelli: Put it down Hugo...
(back in the crowd)
STG: They're gonna start fighting...
MTG: I just want some cake!
(meanwhile on stage, Vorelli and Hugo are wrestling for the gun)
Narrator: With STG torturing MTG(unintentionally), Carmelita3000 taking over 9000's life, GROPE not knowing what's going on, and a couple of Litas at PM's bar. What will happen next? Tune into the next reply of Tales from the Duh!
ServoTheGreat
SHAZAM!
#2273
STG, you are one funny dude!
Date: 06/24/2002
From: wurwolf
POKEABE-APALOOZA!!!! LOL!!! My stars, what won't you crazy kids come up with next. :oD
wurwolf
Bonhead #3
fs!!
[Pirate]
#2274
Hey, STG!
Date: 06/24/2002
From: PharaohMobius
I have a question for you. E-mail me when you get a chance! (Yes, I made my handle e-mailable.) =)
PM
Sarcophagus!
#2275
(OT) Hey STG!
Date: 06/24/2002
From: Tork_110
Weren't you supposed to write your MST3k Clue post by now?
I want to be Victim Number 3! It'll look good on my resume next to "Tork_110" and "Ghost of Christmas Yet-To-Come in a 3rd grade play".
#2276
Lita: I need a drink...
Date: 06/25/2002
From: Carmelita9000
...........................................................
<Lita storms over to the bar. Carmelita42 grabs Lita2780's hand and follows. She sees somebody else is sitting at the bar already.>
42: Carmelita6969! Hi!
6969: Hiya! What are you girls doing here? 9000 doesn't look like she's in a very good mood...
Lita: <sitting heavily in a nearby barstool> I'm not. I need a drink...
42: She's had a bad day.... *whisper* Carmelita3000
<Lita hears the name and winces>
6969: Ohhh... I see. All right, then. Rickey, baby! Comere, will ya?
<Rick, quite suddenly, is right there polishing a glass and wearing a big hopeful smile. Ok. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Didn't PM ditch Rick with all those other losers back that one time? What's he doing back here?" Well, the answer is, Rick is a bartender. And a good bartender is never away from his post when he is needed by his bar patrons.>
Rick: What can I--
<Yes. That *was* the best explanation I could come up with for the continuity error.>
Rick: Can you please not interrupt me when I'm trying to do a scene?
<Sorry.>
Rick: What can I do for you, ladies? *smile*
6969: Rick, honey, I was just wondering about my bill...
Rick: Oh, you know I can't charge *you*, Sweetheart! <more hopeful smiling>
6969: Oh, Rickey! You're so nice!
Rick: Well, Dollface, I always feel that a good bartender has the kind of relationship with his customers where--
Lita: Yeah, whatever. Ok, so are you gonna give me a drink, or what?
Rick: Old Kentucky Shark, coming right up!
<Lita drinks the whole bottle very quickly. 42 has a smaller drink. 2780 has a chocolate shake with a bunch of cherries and cool looking straws and umbrellas and stuff in it. 42 whispers something to 6969, who smiles at Rick.>
6969: Uh, Rick, Sweetie? Just put these three on my tab, m'kay?
Rick: But... It must be... they drink like fish... it's really expens...
6969: *pout* Pleeeeeeease? They're my very best friends and they're having a bad day...
Rick: Fine...
6969: Oh, goodie! <She leans over the bar and gives Rick a kiss on the cheek. Rick promptly gets flustered and faints.> Oh... shoot. He was fun. <As long as 6969 is leaning over the bar anyway, she grabs another bottle for 9000, who accepts it gratefully.>
Lita: Thannnkshhhhh... *drink* Ohhhh crrrap... Here commeshhh Pffhafhoo Missbizzzmnmmnn...
2780: Hi!
PM: Hi... The Hell? <PM counts no less than four Litas sitting at the bar. Last time he checked, 6969 was the only Lita at MSTBlanca when the Helicarrier took off.> Are you people having a Carmelita Convention or something?
Lita: Awwwww..... Ssssshhhhhutup, Pffahfofharrahfashala!! You think yyyou're ssssssho big... wwwith yyyour bar ann yyyyer fffancy hat.... *hic* <Lita throws a punch at Pharaoh Mobius, and misses by a mile> Wwwwwoah!! <42 catches Lita just as she's falling over, and helps her climb back up onto the barstool.>
42: Uh... Don't mind her... She's just feeling a little fighty...
PM: Apparently.
42: Especially since that whole deal back at GROPE Headquarters with-- er...
PM: Yes?
42: Mind your own damn business!
2780: Can I have another milkshake?
***
<At GROPE HQ>
Mickey: This just feels weird, is all. <He's feeling around in the empty space where his tooth used to be with his tongue.>
Rimmi: Stop doing that, Mickey. It's gross. Nobody wants to see it.
Mickey: I can't help it! Have you ever had any dental problems? If you did you'd know how impossible it is to leave it alone!
Rimmi: Quit!
Mickey: No!
<Rimmi is just about to engage in physical violence with Mickey, when she sees Tork pushing a couch.>
Rimmi: Hey, Tork. What the hell are you doing?
Tork: Oh, well, Lita just asked me to move some of this furniture around. I don't want to piss her off. She seems moody...
<At just that moment, Carmelita3000 walks in. Evil Mike is behind her.>
3000: I heard that. Evil Mike?
<Evil Mike punches Tork.>
3000: Thank you.
EM: You know how you can really thank me...
3000: <seeing the look in his eye> Oh yuck--
<The rest of GROPE is watching this scene.>
Rimmi: Lita... Lita doesn't turn down the chance to be romantically involved with Evil Mike...
Mickey: Heeeeyyyy... Do you think maybe...
<3000 suddenly remembers that the real Lita is actually fond of Evil Mike... for some reason.>
3000: Ok... Fine... <3000, seeing she needs to give proof of her identity once again, clenches her jaw as if to hold back the vomit, and slowly leans in toward Evil Mike, squinching her eyes. Evil Mike waits patiently.> Eeyucch... <She gives him a quick peck and then glares at him.> Now get back to work!
Rimmi: Oh. She did kiss him. She really is Lita. <Rimmi laughs> I guess it was just my imagination.
Mickey: <Also laughing> I don't know where you get your silly ideas sometimes, Rimmi.
Rimmi: Oh, shut up.
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
has made too many long replies recently.
I'll cut back.
#2277
Damn! Your right, Tork.
Date: 06/25/2002
From: ServoTheGreat
Jeez, I muta forgot. But man, I really don't feel like writing it...
Oh well, I'll get to it as soon as possible... *sigh*
#2278
HA! Got YOU, Lita!
Date: 06/25/2002
From: ServoTheGreat
GOT YOU! GOT YOU! GOT YOU!
Booya, I caught YOU breaking continuity for once! HA! Mickey isn't at GROPE headquarters, foolish mortal, he is with me watching Vorelli! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
YES!!! I win... something...
#2279
DAMMIT!!! n/t
Date: 06/25/2002
From: Carmelita9000
.............................................................
no text
#2280
Ok! I know what to do!
Date: 06/25/2002
From: Carmelita9000
...........................................................
<Lita has a pair of pliers. She uses it to yank out the GROPE part of her last rp reply, then she uses a blowtorch to weld it into a new place just before STG's last rp reply.>
There! Continuity fixed! The stuff I talked about going on in Diabolik's lair happened just *before* the stuff that STG talked about. Yay!!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
#2281
Oh yeah, Lita?
Date: 06/25/2002
From: ServoTheGreat
I'll be damned if I break continuity again!
(STG charges the Duh Board with a bulldozer, and crashes into the replies. Replies rain down all over the place, and STG gets out of the machine, and sorts through the mess. He eventually finds the two replies in question, and puts them in the order he wants. Then he parks the bulldozer over it, so no one can move it or read it. D'oh)
STG: Well, at least I'm right... too bad I killed the rp...
#2282
Dammit, STG!!
Date: 06/25/2002
From: Carmelita9000
...........................................................
I just got the rp all fixed so the continuity wouldn't be messed up anymore, *because you complained*, and you go and mess it all up again! A life altering Blah to you!!
<Lita pushes the crying STG into a mud puddle, and then puts all the replies back the way they were in the first place when they were originally posted.>
That's right. The error with Mickey is back and you can just deal with it. He's not at your stupid ventriloqu-- ventrilokw-- vent-- He's not at your stupid puppet show! He snuck out early and went back to GROPE headquarters, and left you in town with no ride home and no cab money, and *that's* how the continuity is gonna be fixed now. End of story, no tag-backs, The Queen Bitch has spoken! Pleh! >:o(
A bit ruffled,
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
#2283
The Adventures of Jimmy and Cara
Date: 06/26/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
The *Really* Odd Couple!!!!!!!!!!!
Narrator: When last we left our intrepid heroes, they were en route to Mexico to rescue Servo the Drunk. Little did the heroes know was that he had already left, leaving them in the hot desert heat, alone, missionless....
Cara: Could you wrap this up? We're kind of in a hurry.
Narrator: Oh. Yes, sorry.
Cara: Do you always have to bring him with you?
Jimmy: I like him....kind of a security blanket. Besides, he dissappeared a while ago, and I'm glad to have him back.
Cara: Oh....I see. Well, glad to know we're not the only gay characters in the rp.
Jimmy: Yes. I'm extremly gay. Gay as can be. I'm so gay, why I feel like singing.
Narrator: *whispers something to Jimmy*
Jimmy: Really? Yikes!!!!!!! No singing. Not at all!
Cara: (Stares at Jimmy)
Jimmy: So...how about those Yankees...heh heh.
Cara: I'm beginning to think this is a wild goose chase.
Jimmy: Really? What gave you that impression?
Narrator: Ahem!
Cara: Well so-RRY!
Jimmy: Look, the gist of this is we've decided to become heroes for hire south of the border until we raise enough money to get back to America.
Cara: Yeah, much better than sneaking in.
Jimmy: Jimmy Mobious Captain of the Justice Rangers perform an illeagel act? Why, you might as well go ask a politician to lie!
Narrator: Oh geez, here we go...look, if you need me, I'll be in Tijijuana. (leaves)
Jimmy: Oh, for crying out loud....
<Narrator>: Well, well, well...look who's come crawling back!
Cara: Butt out you! Hmmmm....butt. Ass. (starts crying) I miss my Rimmi-wimmi!!!!! *sniff*
Jimmy: There, there....
Cara: Maybe if I had some, oh, I don't know, "paper towels", I could *sniff* kill the pain, if not for just a little while
Jimmy: "Paper towels"????!!!!! Are you insane?
Cara: Yes...come on.
<Narrator>: Hours later....
Cara: So *hic* He saysh to meeeh, "How do you gurls you know?" sho I puncshed him in the mouth! No one treats my Rimmmmmmmmmmmmmi that way.
Jimmy: (Still hasn't touched his drink) That's fascinating.
Bartender: What? Our drinks aren't good enough for the American?
Jimmy: Yes, it's just...
Cara: Oh *hic* Come on, you big babeeeeeee, drink!!!! drink!!!!!! drink!!!!!
(Everybody in the bar chants drink!!!)
Jimmy: Welllllllll.....fine. If it'll make you happy (drinks)
<Narrator> Hours later still.......
(It's dark. Jimmy stumbles out of bed)
Jimmy: Oh....my head....I think I'll just...(Feels a bump on his finger) Ack! A scorpion...foul desert fiend!!!! (Turns on the light to see not a scorpion, but....a ring?) What? Egads!
Cara: (Wakes up and screams)
The bespectacled Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
Post Narc x3
Heh....:)
#2284
[PM] Okay, so let me get this straight:
Date: 06/26/2002
From: PharaohMobius
<<<Exposition Mode>>>
[PM] Carmelita3000 has returned from obscurity to try to seize Lita's identity?
[Lita2870] You forgotted when she chased my kitty up a tree!
[Lita] Yeahrah, thatsh what that bitsch did all rheety, all rhightty! [She slips off of her barstool for the hundredth time.]
[Lita42 props Lita back up again.] Uh, yeah. You've got the gist of it.
[PM] This is terrible!!!
[Rick] You got that right, boss! These dames have drank away my whole next paycheck!
[Lita6969] Oh, you big silly! [She giggles and playfully slaps Rick. He gets a goofy grin and pours the Litas another round.]
[Lita42] I believe PM is talking about the Lita3000 situation.
[PM] You're darn right I am! I spent months devising a plan to subvert one of the Lita clones and use her to secretly control GROPE. And now that plan is flushed right down the crapper!
[Lita3000] Pee-Hemm, youhou're a basshtard, you know that?
[PM] Yeah, pretty much. [The phone rings.] Hang on a minute, I need to get this. [He picks up the phone.] Hello? Jimmy, is that you? I can barely make out what you're saying! Where are you? Tiujuana? Why the hell are you in Tiujuana? No, we left Mexico hours ago. We're over Missouri right now, I think. Servo the Grapefruit? Damned if I know where he is. What's that? I can hardly hear you. [He puts his hand over the receiver.] Sam, will you cut out the piano playing for a few minutes? I'm on the phone over here!
[Sam] Sorry.
[PM, back into the phone.] Jimmy? Yeah, I'm here. What's that? You got married? Did you hear that, Litas? My kid brother got hitched! Who's the lucky girl? What? I didn't catch that. A thespian? Hey, get this! My kid brother married an actress-- what? You're breaking up too much, Jimmy. I'd better let you go. Talk to you later, you lucky guy! [Hangs up the phone.] Hmmm, what do you know? My kid brother meets an actress in Tiujuana and ties the knot with her!
[Lita 42] *Ahem!* Excuse me, but we were talking about the Lita3000 situation?
[PM] Oh, yeah, that. Okay, I'll help you.
[Lita42] You'll WHAT?!?
[PM] Yeah, I'll help you. I'm happy for Jimmy, so I'm in an unreasonably cheerful mood. Besides, from what you said, Lita3000 is pretty evil. And *I'm* the Big Bad in this RP!
[Lita42] Umm... yeah. Will you excuse me for a moment? [She pulls Lita, Lita2870, and Lita6969 to the side.] So, should we trust him?
[Lita2870] I likes his hat.
[Lita42] That's nice, dear. I guess that's one vote for, sorta.
[Lita6969] Oh, Mobiusness isn't so bad! He's just a big ol' teddy bear!
[Lita42 shudders.] Okay, that's two votes for. I don't think we can trust this guy, so I'm voting against him. Lita?
[Lita] Hassh he calleded me fat todaysh? Or usshed a "HhhI!" balloon?
[Lita42] Umm... no.
[Lita] Aaaahhhhh, then let 'im hhelp. Maybe he can do sshomethin' sschiencsshy that can hhhelp!
[Lita42] Okay, then. I guess he's in. Against my better judgement, may I add.
[Lita] Ohhh, lighten up, Fflforty Thhooo! Have sshome 'Sshark!
[Lita42] I may as well. I can tell I'm going to need it, before this is over.
TmPM
Old Kentucky Shark: good for what ails ya!
Sarcophagus!
#2285
<GROPE is watching TV>
Date: 06/26/2002
From: Tork_110
Yoda can't fight!
--------------------------------
JDB: A possible terrorist was taken into custody today after many people reported an unidentified flying object today.
<The TV shows JDB trying to ask the "terrorist" a question.>
JDB: Sir? Sir? Are you a terrorist?
Gorblat: (adjusts his(her?) Universal Translator) No! I'm an alien! I've come to tell you how to achieve world peace and build a warp drive! (is dragged away)
<Cut back to GROPE, watching>
LKB: (rolls his eyes) Amooericans...
???: (walks in) Can I tape Enterprise tonight?
Rimmi: Eek! Who are you?
<GROPE grabs the intruder. EM has a big grin on his face and hits the intruder a few times.>
????: OW! Cut it out! I'm Tork.
< EM continues to hit Tork.>
Rimmi: EM, stop! Are you really Tork?
<Tork is wearing jeans and a black t-shirt with a familiar looking planet logo.>
Tork: Yes!
EM: Don't trust him! He's lying.
Rimmi: I think you should stop punching him.
3000: No! Beat the truth out of him.
EM: Heh heh. Sure!
<Rimmi pulls out her sword, and EM reluctantly stops punching Tork.>
EM: Aww!
Rimmi: Why aren't you wearing your costume?
Tork: Because it feels like it's over 100 degrees in here. This place needs air conditioning.
3000: I know! EM, fan me.
EM: (mumbles) Don't push me bitc...
<Mickey walks in.>
Mickey: Who are you?
Tork: Mickey, it's me!
Mickey: Smee?
Tork: Do you guys want me to prove that I'm Tork?
GROPE: Yeah!!!
Tork: Well, here's my wallet. In it is my ID... which is right next to my picture of NUVEENA! WAAAAH!
Rimmi: Oh dear. Here we go...
Tork: Nuveena! I miss you! I remember it like it was yesterday...(begins to tell his story)
Mickey: I have to go...buy some soup.
Rimmi: I have to go...find gramps. He's probably drunk again by now.
EM: I have to go...get the hell away from here.
<Everyone leaves except for 3000.>
3000: Huh?
Tork: ... We went to HappyHappy's BBQ. We had a lot of fun there, although I can't believe those rumors about the couple who ...
EM: (overhears as he leaves) Heh heh.
<several hours later>
Tork: ... And I heard that she is selling cars with her new boyfriend.
3000: I....DON'T....CARE!!!
Tork: (notices that he is alone with Lita) Oh. I'm sure that I proved my identity, and I would just like to say LOOK OVER THERE!
3000: Excuse me?
<Tork looks at 3000's knees.>
Tork: Huh. There's something different about Lita's knees.
3000: What? Why are you looking at my knees?
Tork: (is startled) Yipes! I was not!
3000: Yes you were. You're still looking at my knees. AND WHAT'S WRONG WITH THEM?
Tork: Yikes! (runs away)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
<Meanwhile...>
Marvin: Well, thanks for not killing us.
Sunday: Actally, my chainsaw broke. I REALLY wanted to use it! (pouts)
Buffalo: Whayre did Lazy Rahder and Ricke gone to?
Marvin: And where are we?
Nick: I'll answer that question right now. You see...
Sunday: Forget about all that. You! Could you wear this?
Nick: ...Okay. Hey, this looks a little like that robot guy's costOOOOF!!!!!!
Sunday: Hmmm...Blah! Punching you is just not the same. (pouts again)
Tork_110
Darn! Thanks to Sunday, we still don't know where she, Buffalo, Nick, Trish and the others are.
#2286
The Talented Mr. ServoTheGreat
Date: 06/27/2002
From: ServoTheGreat
Mickey: Hey, where’s the paper?
EM: Servo The Gorilla went out to get it, but we locked him out, heh heh.
Mickey: Dammit! I will not be denied my daily Marmaduke!
(Mickey walks outside)
(voice from bush): Oh, Mickey…
Mickey: (scared) Who’s there?
Voice: Come to the bush, Mickey.
Mickey: Well, okay then.
(Mickey walks to the bush, and finds himself in a grove of trees.)
Voice: Walk further. I have soup. It’s split pea.
Mickey: Oh boy! (walks further) Where’s the soup?
Voice: Look up.
(Mickey looks up, and he sees AFLAC jump of a branch up above, and he whacks Mickey over the head with a bottle of Battle Booze.)
AFLAC: He’s out cold.
(STG and Squecky come out of the bushes.)
STG: Hee hee, this plan will get me into GROPE for sure!
(STG ties Mickey to a tree and steals his clothes.)
Squecky: Don’t forget the Mickey Wig.
STG: Excellent.
Mickey: (wakes up) Hey! Your Servo The Artisan! What are you planning to do?
STG: Oh, I was just thinkin’ I’d… STEAL YOUR IDENTITY!!! HA HA HA HA HA!!!
Mickey: But you don’t look like me at all!
STG: Don’t worry, your goofy hair, which I have replicated with this wig, and your dorky clothes should seal the deal that I’m Mickey! I’ve also practiced being you. What this! *Ahem*, “Hi, I like soup.”
Mickey: *gasp* He is me!
STG: So long sucker!
(meanwhile another figure emerges from the bushes! It’s a lawyer from AFLAC)
Lawyer: AFLAC, I’ve finally found you. We need more commercials!
AFLAC: Yes, I’m saved! Take me away from this stupid shi-
STG: Not so fast, suit! We’re a team! He stays with me!
AFLAC: Shut up!
STG: So get out of here you corporate zombie!
Lawyer: So AFLAC doesn’t want to come back? Fine then, I’ll have to take the AFLAC name from him. You will have to go by your legal name, Rex Biggs. Good day! (leaves)
AFLA… Rex: DAMMIT! I really hate you, Servo.
STG: You name is Rex?
Rex: What? Like a Tyrannosaurus Rex. Dinosaurs evolved into birds. What makes you think that the T-Rex didn’t evolve into the modern day Pekin Duck?
STG: A lot. Well, I’m gonna go steal Mickey’s identity.
Mickey: Stop!
STG: Yeah, whatever. So I’m gonna get goin’. Why don’t you to go get some Battle Booze or some Old Kentucky Shark.
Squecky: Okay.
(STG goes into GROPE HQ)
ServoTheGreat
SHAZAM!
Oh, and Lita, I don't care if the posts are in the correct order! I just want to prove you wrong! WA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
#2287
<STG enters GROPE HQ>
Date: 06/27/2002
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
STG: Hi, everybody! It's me, Mickey! I think I'll go enjoy some soup now!
EM: Mickey, you retard! What did I tell you about saying stuff?
STG: <Taking a wild guess> Uh... not to?
EM: That's right! <Evil Mike punches STG.> Hey! You're not Mickey!
3000: <Still wearing Lita's Bitch Crown along with the sweatband. Nobody's dumb enough to tell her it's entirely too much headgear> He's not? What do you mean?
STG: Of course I'm Mickey! I like soup and everything!
EM: No you're not. I have punched many people, and punching Mickey has a certain special quality unsurpassed by punching any other person on the planet. You're not Mickey. <He pulls off STG's wig> You're Servo the Geek!
STG: Ok! I confess! I tried to steal Mickey's identity!
3000: Stealing identities? What an entirely lame plan.
<At just that moment, Mickey (the *real* Mickey) crawls in through the door.>
Mickey: You guys! That guy isn't me! It's STG!
EM: We know that, you moron. What the hell happened to your clothes?
Mickey: STG stole them!
3000: Ok... Ew?
STG: How did you escape my evil clutches?
Mickey: You did a really crappy job of tying the ropes.
<Evil Mike punches Mickey.>
Mickey: Oof!!
EM: Yeah! That's the stuff!
3000: Is there really that big of a difference?
EM: Try it. Punch Servo the Goof.
<Lita3000 punches STG.>
STG: Ow!
3000: Not bad. Seems fine to me.
EM: Try punching Mickey now.
<3000 punches Mickey>
Mickey: Oof!
3000: Wow! That's incredible! I've never had such a completely satisfying punching experience! And I've done a lot of punching. <She punches STG> Flat, lifeless, a little depressing. <She punches Mickey> I've reached Nirvana!
EM: See? I know my punching!
STG: Can I go now?
3000: No. You've annoyed me. Evil Mike, tie him up. I'll kick his ass later.
<Evil Mike does so. And Evil Mike has experience in the field of tying up hostages. He does a good job.>
3000: Mickey. Go put some clothes on. Your pale New Hampshire flesh is blinding me.
<Mickey, full of hurt feelings and on the verge of tears, runs off to get dressed.>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
STG didn't just try to steal Mickey's identity,
he also tried to steal my plotline!
HMPH!!!11
#2288
Mickey: *sniff* She's right
Date: 06/28/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
I'm an extra white fleshy distraction to GROPE. Why did I stay here this long? (Mickey packs some things) I'm out of here! And my conscience better not get in my way!!! (The Great Gazoo appears) Oh crap!
Gazoo: Where you off to so fast, dum dum?
Mickey: Get away from me, you floating turd!! (starts swatting at Gazoo)
Gazoo: ACK!!! Quit it Dum Dum!! I'm here to help! You can get the other GROPErs on your good side if you just listen to me!
Mickey: Yeah, what are you going to say, jump off a bridge?
Gazoo: Well, at first...(Mickey glares at Gazoo), OK, look, just help them escape. Lita's clearly lost it again. You can't possibly subject your friends to that.
Mickey: Watch me! (Tries to run out, but Gazoo freezes him) Awwww...nuts.
Gazoo: Now, Dum Dum, what do you say?
Mickey: Even Evil Mike?
Gazoo: Yes.
Mickey: What's he ever done for me?
Gazoo: Oh, let's see...saved you from a mental institution, blew up a demon snowman....
Mickey: OK, fine...
Gazoo: Now, here's what we do.....
(some time later)
Mickey: *Psst* Tork? Over here....there's a futuristic cake here...and Nuveena's inside!!!
Tork: Ooooh......(runs to where Mickey is, and is pulled into Mickey's room)
Mickey: *psst* Rimmi...Come here, Lita cloned Evil Mike for you!
Rimmi: Woo hoo!!! (runs to where Mickey is and gets pulled into his room)
3000: Hey! Where are the jerks going?
Evil Mike: Eh, who cares?
Mickey: *psst* Gramps......Gramps....GRAMPS!!!
Gazoo: He's asleep on the couch Dum Dum.
Mickey: Oh. Well I guess we can leave him here. Lita wouldn't hurt the elderly. Right. Right?
Mickey: Hey, Evil Mike. Get the hell over here, you big ass.
Evil Mike: The hell? I'll kill you!! (Runs to where Mickey is, and is pulled into Mickey's room with help from Gazoo, Rimmi, and Tork).
3000: Hey!
STG: What about me? Don't I get a *psst*???
3000: Yeah. Psst off! Like I am! (starts punching STG)
STG: Ow...ow...ow...ow...ow....(etc)
Mickey: Heh...take that Mr. Attempted Identity Theft!
Rimmi: What the hells going on here? And who's the green midget?
Tork: Look, pal...I have a Nuveena sized hole in my heart right now, but I think a Mickey ass kicking will fix it!
Mickey: Now, hold on...we need to get out of here. Lita's clearly going to kill us all.
Evil Mike: Big deal. I would've done it first if I had the chance
Mickey: Blah
Evil Mike: OK. Shutting up now. No need to get nasty, Mr. Gardener.
Mickey: There's a tunnel we can go through.
Gazoo: Well, duh....This whole *place* is tunnels!
Mickey: B...
Gazoo: And don't you dare say that horrible b word to me!
(some time later, GROPE arrives at a gas station miles away from GROPE HQ)
Evil Mike: So......(starts punching Mickey)
The bespectacled Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
Post Narc x3
Dum Dum
Next up:TftD isn't cheap
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